Writers block.......

I was going to post a pretty cool video for "Mute Mondays"....but couldn't the damn thing transferred in time. As a result....all I got was this little clip that has nothing to do with anything....but cracks me up every time I remember it. Now that I think of it..I need to fire over netflicks and get this bad boy on it's way....:) Happy monday goofs and friends..:)

Tag......you've been interviewed!! :)

It seems the very witty and attractive Amorous Rocker has taken up my offer to be interviewed. If you've never visited her blog before...please do, not only is she a hottie...but damn fun to read as well..:) Two of the best things about this is..1)These are questions she made up just for me...and that makes me feel special. 2) Well..I get to talk about me, and be a jackass at the same time as well. I know this seems a stretch...but I can do this sometimes...:) Here be yer interview questions sir. Don't forget to add the rules with 'em as well. Enjoy! Interview rules: -Leave me a comment saying “Interview me next" or "Hit me with your best shot" or something along those lines letting me know you're down to be questioned. :D -I’ll respond by commenting back on your blog with your five questions. I get to pick the questions. -You will then update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions. -You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. -When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. 1. If you could have one superhero power for the rest of your life, which would you choose and why? )Hrrrmmmmmmm......tough one here. What to choose.....what to choose.......super intelligence? Super human strength? Perhaps invisbility or teleportation...wait....if I had super intelligence I could probably just build a machine that would give me all of those and more... If I had to pick one super power I guess it would be the ability to instantly turn warm beer into really cold beer. Seems lame you say??? I disagree...I'd be so damn popular it would go to my head...and soon pinky...WE WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! Ummmnnnnn I digress. 2. What makes you nervous and/or uneasy feeling? )Hospital, churches, courtrooms, midgets, clowns, back seat of a squad car, dentist chairs, recently golf carts...no particular order.....:) 3. Do you ever wish junk mail were edible? )No...can't say that I have.....but now that you have me thinking.... OK..I guess it would be really cool if I could reply to all junk mail with a letter that said "EAT ME!" and...well....they'd have to..because it's edible...perhaps I need to rethink my superpower answer...:) 4. What kind of an after life do you believe in? )I'm not entirely certain on this one, but sometimes think I fucked up pretty amazingly my last life to be stuck here again.....this record skips...*click*....this record skips...*click*....this record skips...*click* 5. If HBO decided to do a special and make a movie out of your life; what genre movie would it be and who would play you? )I think it would have to be a romantic comedy.....about a man who finds his true love while trying to eak out a meager living as a guinea pig farmer. The farm hand would have to be a midget named Roy...guinea pigs are hard to milk....and the love interest could either be Ellen Barkin or Jennifer Tilly..as for myself....Christpher Walken...BAM!! Now thats a leading cast right there!!! I should write this shit for a living....:) Dont forget to comment if you'd like to be interviewed by me........muhahahahahahahaha

The gas grill follies.....part 4

If you missed part 1 of this little tale, you may want to start here. So it's 3am....it's a little warmer than I had planned...but I'm a man on a mission. With my beer enhanced ninja skills I cannot fail!!! I seemingly do not care that not only is it dark....it's really dark....I light a cigarette and ponder this..humming the mission impossible song. I had moved some of the deck furniture earlier....scoping for bees...I also moved the big ass box housing my new grill, so I had a clear shot for the stairs. The plan was so simple....it looked great on paper....my buddies on IRC were taking bets!!! This grill was going down man!! Bees and all, and on to the side of the road.... With catlike skill, I sneak up to the grill....firmly grip it's left arm...and tug....it pulls toward me...then yanks back..WTF?? SSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH You'll wake the bees!! I calm myself...and remember the damned grape vines. I grab the right arm..and tug....same result.....now I'm pissed!! A moment passes and I ponder my approach.....still no bees.....I must have lossened it's grip, the grip of "Grill Denying Hate"...surely one more tug....I make my move for the left again deciding quick and hard....just like a bad tooth.....with a mighty yank and all my strength!!!!!! *CLANK*!!! Now I'm pondering the grill....creatively on it's side lying all grill like...and it's left side panel still in my hands....seemingly no longer attatched to the grill..I have a problem...a problem to ponder but then there was the noise. As soon as the buzz started...I knew it was bad news. I threw the side panel at the grill..cussed several gods...and ran screaming like an 8 year old choir boy alone with his catholic priest on a fat tuesday!!!! Tripping over the box was painful...falling down the stairs smarted.....landing on my feet and running still may be a beer induced memory...but I did make it to the side of the house! I escaped the bastards!!!! I'm a man damnit!! I light a cigarette and ponder my next move as I begin to listen to the still ongoing hum. Did i ever mention my nieghbors central air hums amazingly like a hive of angry bees?? The very same cental air unit that apperently kicked on just a mere minute ago? Let's forget that last paragraph ever happened....now I'm pissed....I'm bloody......I am not amused. Emboldened...I did limp back up and tilt the old grill upright...I reattatched the missing side panel....and another tug...it was free. I'm angry...I'm bleeding...and at this point...I really don't give a rats ass about bees as I'm dragging the bitch to the curb. It was gone from the roadside by 10am.......... And that my friends....is how I defeated the old gas grill..... Tomorrow...my interview with amorous rocker....:)

TMI Tuesday......a day late...

OK...so I'm a little late this week...but lets see what we can do with this fine edition shall we?? :) 1. Leather, lace or silk? )Can't I have all three?? Personally, I prefer lace on satin when it comes to her....but, flannel pj's can be sexy too....hey..it can get cold up here..:) 2. Do you subscribe (or regularly buy) to any "dirty" magazines? Which ones? )I guess not everybody has access to broadband internet yet..... 3. Have you ever had sex in water (tub/pool/lake/ocean)? )Yes, yes, yes, and no....in the ocean..are ya fricking nuts?? there be carniverous and stinging critters there.. 4. The three words that best describe you in bed are ____, ____, and ____. Three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are ____, ____, and ____. )GOD OF HELLFIRE!!!!! / HELLFIRE WELL QUENCHED!!!!! LOLOL man...I crack myself up sometimes...really.....really I do.... 5. Did you lose your virginity as an impetuous youth, "to prove that you loved" him/her, because of a romantic gesture, a newly wed or other (please describe because I can't think of what an "other" might be)? )OK...this question keeps coming up loosly defined...are we talking actual penetration here...because this one always throws me off. If we are talking penetration, then I'll not discuss my naughty babysitter this time and reflect long and hard. First time.....hrrrmmmm........hrrrmmm.....well I'd love to tell you a romantic young teen love story ( I do have one ) but this particular moment...hrrm... ..Well I guess it was because I was horny...she was willing and asked me...hey wanna fuck?? :) Bonus (as in optional): Name three words that: a) get you excited )Romance / Vacation / Wanna? b) make you squirm )Dentist / Episiotimy / Vasectomy c) make you laugh )Dookie / Poop / Rutabega There ya go goofs and friends, more than ya ever wanted to know. Happy belated TMI!!

Wisdom from Zig.........

While terribly entertaining to watch......really really drunk people on a golf cart should be observed from a safe distance. It is worth noting that running infront of said cart and daring really really drunk people to chase you.....is a bad idea. Should you decide to play this game....it is also worthy to note....when being chased by said golf cart......do not run in fear to your crowd of friends......take the hit and walk it off bucko!! :) Thats a tip from your uncle Zig...:)

I've won an award!! :)

The lovely Aunt Jackie has seen fit to grant me this cool award!! :) While I'm not certain I'm worthy of this honor, I am pretty damn proud to call her friend, and proud to post this out there. Also, if ya haven't been to her site....you really should go peek. Not only is she a southern hottie, her and her husband have a have a kick ass band (SAP) that just released it's first CD!! Go give her a listen! :)

Wisdom from Zig.......

When camping....always bring your own roll of toilet paper. Not only is it handy...it can be used for all manner of barter when nobody else has thier own........:) That's a tip from your uncle Zig

TMI Tueday and a public service announcement..

Wooohooo!! It's TMI Tuesday again!!! I'm taking a break from the "gas grill follies" today, but I do have a gas grill follies tie in here. I was at the gas station today, and this older gentle redneck soul was badgering the hell out of the new girl. Ordinarily friends, I don't make snap judgements..I'm a redneck myself, I can be crass...but you don't harass my gals if they don't like it. THATS MY JOB!! :).......and you never cuss them..in a family store...to the point of tears....thats NOBODY'S job... Seems our new friend wanted his propane tank refilled, and was absolutely positively sure he got it filled here before. Seems he also had no concept of the OPD valve rules that have been written into Michigan law for some years here now.....He simply could not comprehend...no, I can't refill your tank....I don't even have the hook-ups for that valve anymore.. While I'm no real fan of OPD valves.....and the shit I had to go through to convert..when my old tanks expired...5 years ago.....I'm less of a fan of badgering some 20 year old "like it's her fault"....deal with it buddy......suck it up. Those girls can't afford the $250.00 fine even if they could find the old adapter you honestly believe they are hiding to spite you.....It's always refreshing to see there are bigger assholes than myself..........:) Anywho........off to TMI....this looks like a fun one...:) 1. What's the sexiest type of underwear? )Garter belt and stockings.....matching lacey bra...damn hot!!! Cutie boy shorts on the right gal.....sometimes....just my t-shirt on her, nothing else.......mmm:) 2. Would you/have you ever paid money for sex? )Money is just one of many ways a man pays for sex......and pays....and pays........:) 3. Is facial/body hair sexy or no? (Moustache, chest, etc. for men, and underarms/legs for women.) Or do you frankly not care? )Bare is not necessarily my thing.......but groomed is greatly appreciated..:) If you r'e legs are a little stubbly...thats not a deal breaker, if you didn't save your pits yesterday...ehhh...we are campers man....sasquatch.....not so sexy.. 4. What is the strangest thing you've ever seen featured in pornography? )Years ago....I used to publish porn sites......I had thought I had seen just about everything. One day..I stumbled across a porn vid that seemed pretty tame. It was doggy style.....he was pounding her pretty good...she was moaning groaning tossing her head around as only a porn star can...it was clear he was about to blow...then the most disturbing thing happened...she reached up and stuck her finger down her throat......and heaved......alot.....I mean really alot...not just alittle.....ALOT...dry heaves and all. After my initial shock and EWWWWWWW!! it dawned on me......wonder what that felt like from his end??? lol 5. What's worse, not enough sex or too much? Is there such a thing as "too much"? I prefer to the simple concept of "just right"...:) Your milage may vary..... Bonus: What's the most illegal thing you've ever done (that you can admit to, at least)? Were you caught? )When the officer tells you honest....we know we busted ya dirty.....but we also know we didn't bust you half of what you've done.....thats a good time to stop talking...I 'm just going to whistle and let this one pass..........:) Happy TMI goofs and friends!!!!!

The gas grill follies.....part 3

If you missed part 1 of this little tale, you may want to start here. So I'm gloating the whole way home.......pull up in the driveway. I ponder the landscape, I ponder the distance to the back deck......I run the logistics.......*fuck*!! We have construction going on......I must enlist help....and I must admit it...which sucks....but this monster must be dragged to the back deck.....the lovely wife agrees...but we stop short of the deck.....the rest is mine. I am..............after all, I a man!!! See now...this is where it gets complicated.....the back deck is of my own design....and rather than a simple deck.....I decided a main deck.....with stairs to a sub deck...and odd shapes.....well they just made sense at the time....this now my challenge.....2 flights of stairs....big ass grill in a box.....begging to be assembled.....and it's all mine damnit......I am the man....I hum the man song as I haul it up..... As I manage to get up to door level.......another dilemma arises that I also.....which is a repeated theme in my life........had not pondered.......There's no damn room up here to assemble this bitch! The old grill still in place is taking up prime real estate and it's getting a little crowded with a big ass box.......existing grill....lawn furniture...and various things need not of mention. A quick scan and it's simple in my mind......Old grill simply must go...we need the room man!! Mr. 45000btu needs your real estate........time for you to retire....:) If any of you have seen the movie "Pee Wee's big adventure".....that scene as he's running from the bee's..........well let's just say I did a fair impersonation!! it not only seems that sitting through a warm and dry spring....but unmolested till early summer had made it prime real estate for yellow jackets... I don't mean just a few.....or just a few paper nests.....I mean they were renting out condos......and adding on to the old gas grill...I distinctly remember an indian casino someplace in there before I closed the lid and ran like hell!! Now I have a new problem........I can't assemble my kick ass grill until old grill gone...I can't burn out the yellow jackets or spray them without opening the the old grill........I come up with an idea......with the help of friends on IRC......an insane plane....one so bad...it just might work.......this would require beer... That night...around 3am......it was supposed to be about 58f......surely the offending stingers would be asleep by then yes?? they move slow that temp.....it's brilliant!! Brilliant except for 2 small details...... Detail 1.....there is no light on my back deck.....I like me privacy..... Detail 2....unmolested for several months meant grape vines had found root ... 3am.....half loaded and plan in mind......I snuck out all ninja like...I had a mission.....I'm humming the mission impossible theme......I'm a man..... To be continued...Here in part 4

The gas grill follies.....part 2

If you missed part 1 of this little tale, you may want to start here. Anywho..somewhat dejected...I'm perusing the aisle of grills in my price range. It's the DIY aisle, as I had planned to assemble the silly thing myself...but I'm still bitter from my experience with Mr. 45000BTU. Most in the range I had set for myself were about what I had before, so no harm, no foul....I'm still a man right? Then I see it......and am confused......I waive the 1st person in a red smock over that I see.....we'll call him dude in red smock....here after known as "DIRS" Me...I'm confused..isn't that the same unit on display over there for $199.00..this says $169.00. DIRS...Oh yeah....that's because it doesn't comes with a tank, the tank is separate for $30.00. Me...I don't need a tank, I have 2 at home... DIRS...You don't have to buy a tank... Me...I don't know...thats still a little more than I meant to spend. DIRS...Well you didn't see the sign did you? This is the post 4th of July sale,,,,20% off all gas grills in stock.. Me...I dunno... DIRS...If you buy it today, we'll give you a voucher for a free tank exchange when you need a refill.. My mind does quick math....$169.00 -20% + 1 free gas exchange.....that makes this gas grill damn near FREE!!! Well no...but it drops the grill well into the $140.00 dollar zone..and..and a free tank exchange... Me...SOLD!!!! As I'm wheeling the cart out to the jeep, I'm absolutely gloating. I'm humming the man song..you know the one..I'm a man!! I bought a grill!!! I'm a man...I'll burn meat!! I digress.... It's during this time while still enjoying the afterglow of beating the snickering grill, relishing the knowledge and eyeing my jeep as I get closer...a dilemma arises..this is a huge ass box! It's not just a big box....it's a huge box..I mean really really huge....and in hindsite..perhaps I should have cleaned out the back of the jeep, the back of which is still holding the bulk of our camping gear. Houston...We have a problem... After several minutes of rearranging camp gear into the back seat....front seat..over hanging between front and back seat..the box..almost..just almost fits....I'm a guy, I know what this means. One more good shove and quick slam of the hatch.....grill is in the back of the jeep.....I'm a happy man, take that Mr. Grill! I notice when climbing behind the wheel, that my coleman lantern no longer has a glass globe...or atleast not a complete one..this is of little consequence.....I have a grill...I'm a man....I must take my bounty to my house and assemble it.....I must revel in todays accomplishment...I drive home singing the man song...... To be continued...Here in part 3

The gas grill follies.....part 1

Long time visitors of the site may remember last falls post "Death of a gas grill". After much debate, and serious math...the committee (IE the lovely wife and I) decides resurrection was just not economically viable, and in all likelihood unsafe. The damn thing had gotten more and more vindictive as time went on. The decision was made it was time to say goodbye to our old friend, to retire him and start anew. With the green light and her fateful words that always strike fear and joy in my heart "I'll trust your judgement"...I bid my wife fair day...and off I go solo..gas grill shopping...I'm King of the World!! I'm a fricking kid in willy wonka's secret lab man. Several stops and oogling at gas grills ranging in price from $50.00 (sissy ass grill that looks like an easy bake oven) to $2500.00 (Stainless Steel outdoor kitchen that would make the Iron Chef cream his apron) I find the ONE. It talked to me I swear....as I passed the scratch and dents all screaming "buy us please" one display unit inside just chuckled and said...phhhpt. I stared at it...I gawked at it...surely this grill was not mocking me. Oh you did not just mock me Mr. Grill! Mr 3 burner 45000 BTU with stainless steel trim!! Mr. Grill with a side burner and rotisserie hook ups. You did not!! You are not too much grill for me..I am a MAN!! Now of course the damn thing has goaded me....and I naturally...must prove it wrong. Nothing personal...well bullshit...this IS personal, I'm taking you home and you will be my bitch...then I look at the price tag. Now in fairness...the lovely wife and I hadn't formally set a "hard limit" on this purchase "dollar wise". I did however recall somewhere in the back of my mind justifying this purchase with numbers well under $200.00...at $199.00 + tax..well that wasn't going to make her smile all happy like....which means I wouldn't smile all happy like...you've won this round.....I think I heard it snicker as I walked away... To be continued....Here in part 2

Wednesday movie review.....

What the hell is this you ask??? Zig actually reviewing a movie from not only the same decade.....but this year?? Yeah yeah...Bite me!!! :) Ghostrider is a 2007 release adapted from marvel comics...and to be honest, it's been on my hit list for awhile..:) Granted....my son left a copy at the house...and a free DVD is a good DVD.....but lets look atthe mix here.........It has demons!! It has Nicholas Cage (playing the disturbed soul wrenched hero...duh...). It has Sam Elliot...frankly nuff said!! It has this smoking hot chick that is the love interest that reminds me of a cross between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez......yeah....if J lo and Jolie had a love child....It'd be this hottie....:) Goofs aside, what I found most fun about this movie.....unlike most comic book adaptations.......this had a plot you could follow...and was actually fun to watch...that and there's alot of fire and shit!! Is it cheesey?? Yes.........Is it kinda corney??? Yes.....Did I loose brain cells watching this one?? Nope, in large part to Nicholas Cage....:) If ya need a break and need a "boy finds girl.....boy sells soul to the devil....boy looses girl......boy fights demons/refinds girl.....boy pisses off devil" kinda movie, this is the 120 minutes you were waiting to rent!! :) Now be nice.......or I'll review the Transformers.......which I admit....I paid to see on the big screen last weekend......

TMI Tuesday...and other odd things...

Interesting day, as of tomorrow friends.....I'm a renter. Odd for me in itself, odder that the home I'll be renting is my damn house!! My nieghbor needed to put an addition on to his business, but local ordinance puts the extension too close to my property line. I have an old house that needs alot of work, and frankly...financed to the hilt........how do we resolve this?? Simply put...SELL IT!!! He needs to own the property to do his expansion, I need to sell it for the value of my "over valued" mortgage (gotta love the days when finance companies would let ya refinance at 120%). I now have a fully paid mortgage, and a lease to rent the property for the 1 year at what I was paying before!! It truly is an odd little world...:) Anywho....off to TMI...the tensions......oh the tension..... 1. Who was your childhood hero? )Steve Austin and Flash Gordon......HEY!!! It was the early 70's!! 2. Have you ever had sex with someone who has a myspace page? )Yes.....yes I have...granted she didn't start he "Myspace" page till after we got married...:) 3. What fantasies have you openly told your partner about? )I believe we are all well aware of my midget fettish..........:) 4. Have you ever said you love someone but didn't mean it? )Yes..I've touched on this before....We divorced several...several years ago.. 5. Have you ever woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you? )Every day of the last few years of my 1st marriage....:) Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell.... There was that time I fell off the bed and cracked my head on the nightstand I mention from time to time.........other people find it funnier than I did at the moment!! :) OK goofs and friends...happy TMI!!!

Because it chuckled me..........

One of the very first time I remember my dad laffing...............was watching this with him.......it still makes me laff!! :)

Wisdom from Zig.......

No matter how good of an idea it seems at the time.......Never.....and I mean NEVER..... Get your already social anxiety disorder laden cat stoned on catnip at 3am, with no catfood in the house... Thats a tip from your uncle Zig..........:)

SAP has the CD available!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's true friends!!!!!! My good friend Aunt Jackie and her band SAP have released a CD. Go check them out and buy one for cripes sake!!! :) Psst.......is this enough schmoozing to get a signed cd yet??? huh?? huh?? :) Goofs aside...great music.....her man Richie at the lead guitar and her on vocals......it really is worth a listen!! :)

Happy 4th of July!!!

To all of you, at home or abroad, US citizen or a friend of this American. I wish you all a happy 4th of July and a very happy Independence Day!! May you and yours be safe.:)

And we are back!! :)

Well a few days and plans all blown to hell...but we are back. What was initially planned as a 4-5 day campfest quickly turned into a 2 day hotel stay. The loss of 2 days put a crimp in the "to do" list, so alot of planned stuff had to be changed or discarded all together.....frustration shared by all. All in all though, most of the important stuff is done...so I'm not unhappy...:) I know it's a day late, but TMI beckons......shall we?? 1. Describe your first kiss. )It was wet....it was sloppy...I even held up a piece of paper over my face at one point. Kindergarten girls can be aggressive lil creatures...the bus driver was not amused..:) 2. Should a person's pubic hair be trimmed, shaved, or just grown out as the jungle God intended it to be? )I prefer atleast a lil tuft to remind me this is legal....Ya know, the landing strip...the exclamation point...hitlers moustache...a lil sumfin..:) 3. What's the best super-hero comic book movie ever made? )Tough one here, but I'm going with the X-men movies. The casting has been dead on...and the gals are smoking hot!! :) 4. Coke or Pepsi? )I heard comedian recently address this, it's like asking if we prefer real boobs or fake. While we may profess to have a preference....we'll pretty much take whatever is being offered!! :) 5. Have you ever been caught masturbating? )Anybody who says they haven't...simply isn't masturbating enough!! :) 6. Which way do you lean your head when going for a kiss? )Usually to the right.....depends greatly what where and how I'm kissing..:) 7. Jockstraps, sexy or no? )To each their own...I rather resemble an elephant in a g-string in the silly things...they provide absolutely no protection from a wet fart either....I digress... Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever used the excuse, "Oh, I was so drunk that night, I don't remember a THING!" )Every time I've tried.....the judge didn't believe me...and seemed less amused...:) OK goofs and friends..Happy TMI!!!