|Every week or so I try to get caught up on all my stray e-mails. After weeding through all the great trial offers to increase the size of my manhood or collect my 20% share of a Nigerian bankers fortune....I'm usually left with a handfull of jokes worth sharing.|
As a public service to my fellow man, I'll just post them here....wo decide if your going to spam other unsuspecting friends and enemies!! :)
A redneck fisherman was stopped by a game warden recently with two
full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those
"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet
"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em
swim' round for a while.
Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I
take 'em home."
"That's not right! Fish can't do that!"
The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said,
"It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.
After several minutes,
the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the redneck.
"When are you going to call them back?"
"Call who back?"
Secrets from the confessional
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said,"Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."
"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours every day and twice on weekends."
The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. ... But I do have one more question."
And what is that?" asked the priest.
Should I tell her the war is over?"
Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural New Brunswick on the opening day of deer season. They both saw a Trophy-class buck meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone. The other hunter exclaimed, 'Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!'
The first hunter nodded and said; 'Well, we were married for 42 Years'.
Take care goofs and friends!! :)