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Father, Big ole perv, dork, geek. Hopeless romantic....

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    Sunday, November 25, 2007

    Surviving thanksgiving.........:)

    I'm not sure many of you know this or not.......but I'm not a big holiday person. I mean yes, 2-3 times a year...getting together with people that you never see, special occasion, family....touch base, fine and well....but there is probably a reason thats the only time you see them.

    This year I did it a lil different,,,,,and had a great experience of it. Dinner with my mom at my uncles place...their food, and good talk. Back to my moms place, beer and bullshit, more good talk.

    Work done around the house, to make winter a little more bearable....:)

    Staying up till 5am yakking with mom about whatever while downing a pretty damn good bottle, and no fights or tears.....this was a very good thanksgiving indeed!!!! :)

    Getting my mom shitfaced, and still be pleasant......extra bonus!!!!

    Hope you all had a great weekend and thanksgiving as well goofs and friends!!

    Thursday, November 22, 2007


    OK...My lovely wife and I tlk about alot of things. We talk about life, we talk about silly things, we talk about serious things. We don't agree on all things, and in general respect eachothers opinion even if we don't agree.

    If there is one thing we agree can be epitomized by "Tofurkey".

    Hey.....I admit me and my family are meat eaters, but we truly respect our vegetarian/Vegan friends. To us, it's a life choice just like not drinking, or just not drinking beer but wine is ok. Most I've met, equally respectful back.....but riddle me this........if your a vegetarian, why are you bending over backwards to make your food taste like..chew like..smell like..meat???

    I mean.....meat is bad right? Isn't it saying....well....I am openly gay, but will only sleep with a person of my own gender...if they dress up like the opposite sex......

    If your not a meat and peace.....but if your buying veggie burgers...veggie hot dogs......Tofurkey.......come out of the closet my friends. Come join us by the campfire and eat flesh. Beer is vegetarian and washes it down well!!

    Happy Thanksgiving goofs and friends!!! :)

    Friday, November 16, 2007

    Why David Letterman kicks ass!!!

    Variety has an article hinting that late night show hosts are mulling returning to the air regardless of the writers strike. While I'm impressed by all of them for standing with the writers, and supporting them, I think Letterman is still the class act in this.

    Below is an excerpt that I think says alot, but please read the whole article HERE.

    While Letterman, Leno and O'Brien all want to be respectful of their writers, they're also deeply concerned about the impact of a prolonged strike on their non-WGA staffs.

    NBC, for example, had told producers on its latenight shows that it would only continue paying staffs through Nov. 16 (Daily Variety, Nov. 7).

    Producers of the Peacock shows lobbied the net to keep the paychecks coming, however, and late Thursday, the network agreed. Staffers on Leno and O'Brien's shows, along with those on "Last Call with Carson Daly," will be paid for at least two more weeks, a network spokeswoman said.

    Letterman, whose Worldwide Pants Prods. is solely responsible for staffer salaries on "Late Show" and "Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson," has told staffers they're not going to be cut off. Company will "continue to pay the non-writing staff of the shows - fully compensating lower-salaried employees, and providing a substantial portion of salaries for those at the higher end -- at least through the end of the year," a Worldwide Pants spokesman said.

    As for whether "Late Show" will return before the strike is settled, the spokesperson was non-committal.

    Thursday, November 15, 2007

    Great american smokeout....

    So I'm pondering today as millions of us participate in "The Great American Smokeout".

    Let me be clear, I did not participate.........

    OK, here is my deal, this is yet another bullshit day, crammed down our throats, marketed as a national support group. It's like secretaries day....which we can't call it it office assistant day or some shit. I suspect assistants would like to be treated nice more than one day a year. Don't get me started on "Sweetest Day"......

    Look, if you want to quit smoking, more power too you. I not only respect your decision....but support it. I however do not at this time wish to follow your lead, and now, thanks to you having quit for one day, I've had to take up your slack...some of us have to stand up damnit!! :)

    See ya in the smokers corner tomorrow!

    Tuesday, November 13, 2007

    News and TMI...........:)

    So I'm reading through the news this morning and got some chuckles. It gives me hope that no matter how bad things may seem here, there are always stories like these to make me feel better......

    Man hurt as he uses shotgun to remove lug nut
    I dunno, I mean I've done alot of things that I'll never admit without witnesses......but I'm guessing beer was involved in this one!!!

    Great Grandmother Strip-Searched At N.Y. Casino
    I'm not sure to make of this one....but I knew my grandma at 65.....I'm still sitting on the fence here.......:)

    Deer Jumps Into Pittsburgh Zoo's Polar Bear Exhibit
    OK.....WTF??? The bears clearly called for food delivery. Final score....Bears 0, Deer 0........something is wrong here!!!'s yet again TMI tuesday, so lets check the questions shall we?? Huh?? :)

    1. Have you ever met a fellow blogger in person?
    ***Yes and no, some of my friends that I've met have since taken on blogging, but none that were blogging I didn't know far as I know.....we are sneaky that way..:)

    2. Did you ever play an innocent game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"? How old where you?
    ***This falls into the longish catalog of things my attorney says "I'm not at liberty to discuss this." :)

    3. When did you get your first not so innocent kiss?
    ***Hrrrm....Very young, bored baby sitter...hey, it was the 70's man!!!

    3a.If your partners are no longer of the opposite sex, when did you get that first kiss?
    ***To the best of my knowledge, all of my partners are still of the same sex they started......some may have changed teams....but still what they where born with....:)

    4. Have you ever awoke with someone who's name you did not remember?
    ***Nope....don't think so, guilty of alot of things.....but falling asleep with a perfect stranger after sleeping with them is a no no.......but if...Umn I did...I don't remember!!!! lol

    5. Have you ever let someone else wash you while you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?
    ***Oh hell yes!!! Granted not often, but hell yes!! :)

    Bonus (as in optional): What makes a great first date for you?
    ***Just waking up and being alive.......blowjob doesn't hurt......:)

    happy TMI goofs and friends!! :)

    Sunday, November 11, 2007

    Sunday E-mail....

    Every week or so I try to get caught up on all my stray e-mails. After weeding through all the great trial offers to increase the size of my manhood or collect my 20% share of a Nigerian bankers fortune....I'm usually left with a handfull of jokes worth sharing.

    As a public service to my fellow man, I'll just post them here....wo decide if your going to spam other unsuspecting friends and enemies!! :)

    Redneck Fisherman..

    A redneck fisherman was stopped by a game warden recently with two
    ice chests

    full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its

    The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those

    "Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet

    "Pet fish?"

    "Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em
    swim' round for a while.

    Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I
    take 'em home."

    "That's not right! Fish can't do that!"

    The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said,

    "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

    "Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

    The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited.
    After several minutes,

    the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

    "Well, what?" said the redneck.

    "When are you going to call them back?"

    "Call who back?"

    "The FISH!"

    "What fish?"

    Secrets from the confessional

    An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession.

    When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said,"Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

    The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

    "It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours every day and twice on weekends."

    The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

    "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. ... But I do have one more question."

    And what is that?" asked the priest.

    Should I tell her the war is over?"

    Respectful Hunter

    Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural New Brunswick on the opening day of deer season. They both saw a Trophy-class buck meandering towards them. As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat, and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone. The other hunter exclaimed, 'Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!'

    The first hunter nodded and said; 'Well, we were married for 42 Years'.

    Take care goofs and friends!! :)

    Thursday, November 08, 2007

    What if???....

    Sometimes......late at night, I ask myself this question. Often the questions are just silly, sometimes disturbing, usually just mediocre.

    But hey, it's my blog damnit, and if your reading it, got what ya paid for!! :)

    What if......OJ really didn't do it..but his son did, and OJ knew it??

    What if.....The spark of life is just another element yet to be defined on the periodical.....mined and forged by what we call GOD

    What if.....Grandma as right...and I'll get Hi-puckaroo if I don't wash my hands??

    What if.....NO...I refuse to believe that the hokee pokee is what it's all about!!!

    Take care goofs and friends!!! :)

    Tuesday, November 06, 2007

    TMI Tuesday....Halloween edition....

    Tuesday tuesday tuesday......and I'm still finding candy wrappers hidden in odd and inappropriate places. I mean really, hidden in the bathroom??? C'mon damnit!!

    Personally, I'm glad to see the holiday passed, but disturbed that they are already playing Christmas music......deeply disturbed....I digress.

    Anywho, lets got on to the TMI!!

    1. Do you believe in ghost? If so have you every seen one?
    *..Living next to funeral home for 14+ see all manner of things....:)

    2. What’s the scariest movie you ever saw?
    *..Freddy got fingered....I lost brain cells and still feel dirty..

    3. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if it was haunted?
    *..Free house.....whacky room mate that is other worldly...people pay for that shit man!!

    4. If you were given a house that was free would you accept it if the last person had been murdered in it?
    *..Depends on the murder and who.....if it was the brain team behind "Freddy got fingered"...I'd probably insist on paying!! :)

    5. What was your most favorite costume you wore for Halloween?
    *..Catholic Priest, complete with leather jacket and whiskey flask, I usually just go as myself...thats scary enough..:)

    Bonus (as in optional): What’s your most memorable Halloween memory?
    *...Would have to that party about 14 years ago when one of my married friends hooked up with one of my single friends...there was alcohol involved...perhaps was alot more!! LOLOL

    OK goofs and friends....take care and happy TMI!!

    Sunday, November 04, 2007

    Too good not to share....

    So I'm sitting here pondering a post on the whole "Dog drops the N word". Something really thought provoking yet sensitive along the lines of the folly of reveling in a guy who is not part of polite society..and then demonizing him for saying words in a "private" conversation with his son that frankly, are not appropriate for polite society. I even pondered asking how many of all of us use similar, if not the same words when sharing them Black...Irish...Polish...Catholic....Redneck...I think you see where I'm going here....

    Just at the moment I had it all laid out. just at that moment..I got an e-mail. It stumped me, tossed off my whole train of thought.

    Sender: Complimentry kitty litter
    RE:Kitty litter on us!!

    Even I can't make this shit up.....

    Take care goofs and friends!! :)

    Conversation with the wife.....

    So the lovely wife and I are sitting in the office. We're trolling favorite sites and sounds on the "his and hers" network pondering different fun and disturbing items. For those of you not familiar with the concept, it's when you set aside a room for computers, with atleast 2 workstations. She can do her thing and not mess up your computer, and you can do your thing, and fix her computer..and in general, still be in the same room...I digress...

    We talk....we laugh...then the conversation turns to this....

    ME: So honey.....what do you think of me running for president?

    HER: Ummmmm, your not serious are you?

    ME: Well think of it, we'll call it the "Party party". We can get soft money donations, lackies, world domination stuff. It's brilliant!!!

    HER: I am NOT campaigning for you again!!

    ME: But did so well last time, I've never seen anybody adopt Chicago style politics like you did...

    HER: NO! People were afraid of me for awhile after that...

    ME: But....

    HER: NO!

    So ends another run at the Whitehouse....but hey, I did win the "Prince of Dork" with her help!! :)

    Take care goofs and friends...:)

    Saturday, November 03, 2007

    Sure....I'll help ya move.....

    Never have 5 words been uttered by myself that have caused more drama in my life. While today was an exception, it reminded me of some earlier blunders.

    Have you ever had to help a friend move in freezing rain....hung over, the day after thanksgiving?

    I have.

    Have you ever lost a bet and have to drive 13 hours and 4 states away, to help a friend move?

    I have.

    Have you ever been asked to help move, because simple logic states because you own a pick-up truck, you are somehow qualified to do this?

    I have.

    Have you ever offered to help a friend move, just to get in their pants?

    Oh hell yeah, I have!!!

    In hindsite, the bet was like 80% in my favor....but my bad for making it. I mean..yes I made the bet...yes it was my fault, and I ponied up..but damnit it man! I had to witness kareoke as part of this.....kareoke in Arkansas!!! It changed my life forever.....and not in a positive way..

    Just remember goofs and friends, a good friend will share their beer with you, a true friend will help you move!! :)