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    Thursday, July 26, 2007

    The gas grill follies.....part 4

    If you missed part 1 of this little tale, you may want to start here. So it's 3am....it's a little warmer than I had planned...but I'm a man on a mission. With my beer enhanced ninja skills I cannot fail!!! I seemingly do not care that not only is it dark....it's really dark....I light a cigarette and ponder this..humming the mission impossible song.

    I had moved some of the deck furniture earlier....scoping for bees...I also moved the big ass box housing my new grill, so I had a clear shot for the stairs. The plan was so simple....it looked great on paper....my buddies on IRC were taking bets!!! This grill was going down man!! Bees and all, and on to the side of the road....

    With catlike skill, I sneak up to the grill....firmly grip it's left arm...and tug....it pulls toward me...then yanks back..WTF?? SSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH You'll wake the bees!! I calm myself...and remember the damned grape vines. I grab the right arm..and tug....same result.....now I'm pissed!!

    A moment passes and I ponder my approach.....still no bees.....I must have lossened it's grip, the grip of "Grill Denying Hate"...surely one more tug....I make my move for the left again deciding quick and hard....just like a bad tooth.....with a mighty yank and all my strength!!!!!! *CLANK*!!!

    Now I'm pondering the grill....creatively on it's side lying all grill like...and it's left side panel still in my hands....seemingly no longer attatched to the grill..I have a problem...a problem to ponder but then there was the noise.

    As soon as the buzz started...I knew it was bad news. I threw the side panel at the grill..cussed several gods...and ran screaming like an 8 year old choir boy alone with his catholic priest on a fat tuesday!!!! Tripping over the box was painful...falling down the stairs smarted.....landing on my feet and running still may be a beer induced memory...but I did make it to the side of the house! I escaped the bastards!!!!

    I'm a man damnit!! I light a cigarette and ponder my next move as I begin to listen to the still ongoing hum. Did i ever mention my nieghbors central air hums amazingly like a hive of angry bees?? The very same cental air unit that apperently kicked on just a mere minute ago? Let's forget that last paragraph ever happened....now I'm pissed....I'm bloody......I am not amused.

    Emboldened...I did limp back up and tilt the old grill upright...I reattatched the missing side panel....and another tug...it was free. I'm angry...I'm bleeding...and at this point...I really don't give a rats ass about bees as I'm dragging the bitch to the curb. It was gone from the roadside by 10am..........

    And that my friends....is how I defeated the old gas grill.....

    Tomorrow...my interview with amorous rocker....:)

    Comments on "The gas grill follies.....part 4"

     

    Blogger Mrs.ZigZagMan said ... (11:30 PM) : 

    I wonder if the bees new owner liked them as much as you did! LOL Do you think that man will ever pick up roadside trash again?

     

    Anonymous crse said ... (3:38 AM) : 

    I have to say, I was about to snark on the 3am aspect of this grillhunt until i realized that its 337am here and i have no intention of sharing what ive been doing for the past hour and a half!

     

    Blogger Bunny said ... (10:12 AM) : 

    Bees . . . central air unit . . . hehehehe.

     

    Blogger Jay said ... (3:10 PM) : 

    Well done. With any luck the person who grabbed it put in the back of his SUV and the bees attacked then. I know that's mean, but seriously funny if it happens to somebody you don't know.

     

    Blogger Amorous Rocker said ... (4:48 PM) : 

    "ran screaming like an 8 year old choir boy alone with his catholic priest on a fat tuesday!!!!"

    Bwahaha. Sigh. That whole thing was too funny. At least you got rid of the damn thing finally. Hopefully the new owner doesn't decide to bring it back one of these days. :p

     

    Anonymous gretty said ... (11:36 PM) : 

    That was the funniest story I've heard in a long time! Maybe the bees flew the grill to an open field to start a new life...

     

    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:09 AM) : 

    You sir are my hero, When are you going to open a school for the ninjitsu challenged? But seriously whats going on this weekend? Die hard and Simpsons at the drive in. The wife asks if wwe can dub the wedding video soon before "bob" asks for his camcorder back.

     

    Blogger ZigZagMan said ... (12:33 AM) : 

    mrs.zig...I rather suspect "our" trash is no longer prime looting material...:)

    crse...Put the bottle of gin down and take a nap lass...:)

    bunny...OK there chuckles...keep laughing..just you keep laughing..:)

    jay...I've since wondered and even felt abit guilty..then I start snickering and get over it..:)

    amorous rocker...Yes...yes I did, and have a small scar on my shin to prove it!! :)

    gretty...Hi stranger!! Sadly...as is usually the case here..it's all more or less true! :)

    anon/spook...And you may worship me as such..:) Dojo drunken ninja may be an idea...probably a bad one..but hey, some people even think carrot top is funny...:)

     

    Blogger RockDog said ... (10:41 AM) : 

    This has been a great summer story! Funny shit! Enjoy the new grill!

     

    Blogger ZigZagMan said ... (2:02 PM) : 

    rockdog...I'm just glad the bitch is put together and done!! :) 45,000 btu's of gas grilling goodness!! :)

     

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