So I got tasered today...........
|I really should have expected it I guess. I blame myself really.|
Around 8:00 am I got the first call...some bitch named Ginny or Jena..I really couldn't tell between the french accent and the fact that she had been drinking all night. It actually reminded me abit of my wife when we drunk dial people from camp, so I thought it was a prank. I promptly chuckled and said honey...if you wanna talk to me, I'm downstairs..this is silly, and hung up.
Around 8:10 the phone rings again, and by this time my wife has left for the gym....which confuses me as it's Jena again and on my super secret phone line. Five minutes of broken drunk frenglish imparts to me that she is indeed not happy with my last post and how dare I!!! And I'm a heartless bastard..and I should know only a federal bailout and higher taxes are the only hope for Michigan....and I need to go to re-education. Again, I hang up but chuckle and say piss off as I do so..
Around 10:00am I'm sipping my coffee and watching the last episode of the 4400 on my PC when the door gets kicked in. Three rather stout bald men wearing what I can only describe as "Ben Franklin" glasses stand before me and that they work for Carl Levsumfin sumfin. They adjust their glasses down their nose and stare at me with obvious superior intelligence.
Things get a little hazy past that but I remember asking them why if Detroit was the center of all things automotive are states like Ohio and Tenessee are doing so well there.....then I heard ..BBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZTTTTTT.
When I woke up they were still there.....I kinda recall asking why Michigan is in it's own depression, but still has a 90+% employment rate.......then I heard and felt.........BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTT..
Around 2:00 pm I awoke in a pool of my own urine....which disturbs me. It's not like this has never happened, but no drinking fun prior is disturbing and wrong somehow. I survey the house to discover all my good beer is gone, the house tossed, and a chip implanted behind my left ear.
It is on this note that I'd like to say that yes....Detroit is the center of Michigans universe. It is perfectly reasonable for us to pay 50-70% in taxes to support social programs that raise children that we never concieved, and only a federal bailout will save Michigan......but only if it goes to Lansing and spent mostly in Detroit.
I for one gladly welcome our new overlords!!!
BTW........this is a complete work of fiction, all names mentioned are fiction, don't taser me again bros.........really......really....c'mon.....I typed the blog entry damnit!! Oh shit!! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!
Take care goofs and friends!!